I think when people hear how I got pregnant they just assume that getting pregnant again will be simple. But this time that isn’t the case.
Madison was the best possible surprise ever, but she was completely unexpected. Now that we’re wanting to add to our family, things are a little more complicated. After having two ectopic pregnancies within 6 months due to my IUD, I don’t know if I’ll physically be able to give Madison a sibling. I continue to hope that I’ll have another little miracle baby and honestly get sad each month when I realize I’m not pregnant. Now that we’re ready to add to our family, it feels like the odds are against us.
I am beyond blessed that I get to experience being a Mom to the most amazing little girl. Unlike so many others that experience infertility, I did get to have my baby. But this doesn’t mean that learning that I may not be able to give my daughter a sibling hurts any less. I still get jealous when I see a new baby announcement and it feels like my heart breaks a little every single time someone asks me when we’re going to have another.
This isn’t something I’d normally talk about beyond my close friends and family. But I feel like there are SO many women out there that are suffering and I feel like they need to know that it’s okay to grieve their infertility. I hear you, I see you and I know your pain. I’ve been debating writing this post for months and when I tried the words just didn’t come to me. Writing is like therapy for me and it feels good to finally get it off of my chest.
When I had my second ectopic pregnancy, I cried nonstop for almost two days. My husband was out of town and I honestly didn’t know how to put into words what I was feeling. My heart was broken. I felt like it wasn’t fair that once again my body was failing me. But life isn’t always fair. Sometimes we face obstacles that we just have to learn a new way around.
Over the past few months, I’ve had good moments and bad when dealing with my possible infertility. I’m beyond grateful for a husband who even when he’s 5000 miles away from me knows how to be the shoulder I needed to cry on, even when it’s over facetime. I have found out that I’m a good candidate for IVF. The downside to this is there is no IVF clinic on the island, so we would not be able to do this until Fall of 2019 after we move. I am starting a fertility treatment in January that has had good results in some others with cases like mine. If that doesn’t work then we’ll continue to wait, pray and put it in God’s hands.