When You Want to Give Your Child a Sibling….But Can’t.

I think when people hear how I got pregnant they just assume that getting pregnant again will be simple. But this time that isn’t the case.

Madison was the best possible surprise ever, but she was completely unexpected. Now that we’re wanting to add to our family, things are a little more complicated. After having two ectopic pregnancies within 6 months due to my IUD, I don’t know if I’ll physically be able to give Madison a sibling. I continue to hope that I’ll have another little miracle baby and honestly get sad each month when I realize I’m not pregnant. Now that we’re ready to add to our family, it feels like the odds are against us.

Have You Subscribed Yet?
Get the latest content first.
We respect your privacy.

I am beyond blessed that I get to experience being a Mom to the most amazing little girl. Unlike so many others that experience infertility, I did get to have my baby. But this doesn’t mean that learning that I may not be able to give my daughter a sibling hurts any less. I still get jealous when I see a new baby announcement and it feels like my heart breaks a little every single time someone asks me when we’re going to have another.

This isn’t something I’d normally talk about beyond my close friends and family. But I feel like there are SO many women out there that are suffering and I feel like they need to know that it’s okay to grieve their infertility. I hear you, I see you and I know your pain. I’ve been debating writing this post for months and when I tried the words just didn’t come to me. Writing is like therapy for me and it feels good to finally get it off of my chest.

When I had my second ectopic pregnancy, I cried nonstop for almost two days. My husband was out of town and I honestly didn’t know how to put into words what I was feeling. My heart was broken. I felt like it wasn’t fair that once again my body was failing me. But life isn’t always fair. Sometimes we face obstacles that we just have to learn a new way around.

Over the past few months, I’ve had good moments and bad when dealing with my possible infertility. I’m beyond grateful for a husband who even when he’s 5000 miles away from me knows how to be the shoulder I needed to cry on, even when it’s over facetime. I have found out that I’m a good candidate for IVF. The downside to this is there is no IVF clinic on the island, so we would not be able to do this until Fall of 2019 after we move. I am starting a fertility treatment in January that has had good results in some others with cases like mine. If that doesn’t work then we’ll continue to wait, pray and put it in God’s hands.

Shares

22 COMMENTS

  1. Samantha | 19th Dec 17

    My heart breaks for you. There are support groups out there if that’s something you would be interested in? Check out babycenter.com.

    • Brittany | 21st Dec 17

      Thank you! That’s an amazing resource. I’ll definitely check it out.

  2. Ally | 19th Dec 17

    First let me commend you for being brave enough to post something so private and uncomfortable! So many people are afraid to talk about it because it’s painful and sometimes embarrassing. My husband and I have also been TTC for almost 2 years. Unfortunately with no positive results. All of our tests have come back great and it’s even more frustrating to be told your ok but can’t seem to get what everyone else seems to have so easily. I recently called and spoke to a pastor who explained it to me in such a great way; she said that the pain and hurt I’m feeling are a normal part of the grief process and that each month that I get my period I’m mourning the loss of the dream of that baby. It was so great to have another voice of reason and even better to have someone pray with me. I wish you guys all the best and I know how difficult this is!

    • Brittany | 21st Dec 17

      Thank you so much, Ally. And thanks for sharing your story! It’s often something that’s just not talked about. But it really does help to open up. If you ever need to vent, I’m here! <3

  3. Emily | 19th Dec 17

    Infertility is so hard. I have some friends dealing with the heartbreak and it’s just so unfair. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.

    • Brittany | 21st Dec 17

      It is, but I know I’m lucky that I do have my first child! She does help me get through this.

  4. Regina | 19th Dec 17

    Your a strong momma. Trust in him that’s your second miracle baby will come. I have few friends that’s have gone through the same. They ended up having to do the ivf. Keeping you in prayer. Great post.

    • Brittany | 21st Dec 17

      Thank you, Regina

  5. Yoly | 20th Dec 17

    Stay strong momma! I can’t imagine what you’re going through but you’re nothing less than amazing. Sending all my best wishes your way. ❤️

    • Brittany | 21st Dec 17

      Thank you so much <3

  6. Melanie | 20th Dec 17

    I am so sorry! I can only imagine that feeling and will be praying for the treatments! God knows the plan, even when we don’t and I am sure he is writing a beautiful story through this season of pain and uncertainty.

    • Brittany | 21st Dec 17

      You’re right! I’m putting my faith in him!

  7. Tanvi Rastogi | 20th Dec 17

    Sometime you have to have faith in whatever happens happen for the best … and good things are still ahead. I am sorry that you are going through a hard time. I hope everything works out soon.

    ❥ tanvii.com

    • Brittany | 21st Dec 17

      Thank you

  8. Lauren | 20th Dec 17

    Oh man. I just want to give you a giant hug! The whole time I was reading this I was praying that the Lord would bless you with another child. Stay strong mama! You are such an inspiration! Thank you for your vulnerability. I’ll keep praying!

    • Brittany | 21st Dec 17

      Thank you, Lauren. That means so much!

  9. Sina K | 20th Dec 17

    This must be so hard. I’m sorry for what you’re going through. Thanks for sharing such a personal story.

    • Brittany | 21st Dec 17

      Thank you, Sina

  10. Annette Dattilo | 20th Dec 17

    I am so sorry for your hurt. I can only imagine how hard that would be to go through. May you find peace and love during this time. xo

    • Brittany | 21st Dec 17

      Thank you so much

  11. Jessica | 3rd Jan 18

    Brittany, you’re one of the bravest women I know. This is a great article, and I hope other women who are going through this too can find comfort knowing that they’re not alone. My heart goes out to you and Matt, but with modern medicine – things are possible!! xoxo

    • Brittany | 4th Jan 18

      LYMI <3

Leave A Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Shares
Never Miss A Post!
Receive posts straight to your inbox!
We respect your privacy.